Forever

 

When I look into your little eyes, Aliona, everything is all right. There is something about your face that puts me at ease. I don’t know how you do it, but you do it every time. Those little eyes like marbles, remember when we played marbles in your porch on my name day? My cousin had given me that huge bag of marbles and they didn’t even fit in our hands. All of those colors like our own private galaxy in your porch, it was a bit rainy, remember? I think I held your hand that day. We had to go on a school trip to the graveyard, and they showed us the little tombs where the muslim babies are buried. Yeah, it was rainy and I didn’t want to eat lasagna for lunch, mom, you know that I fucking hate lasagna, the inside is still frozen, why do you have to ruin my name day. But it was alright, with you and all the marbles in your porch.

Will you stay with me forever, Aliona? You know I don’t ask for much, I just want to look in those little eyes for ever and ever and ever. But of course, where do you want to go? I will do my best to keep you entertained, I will talk to you on the evenings when I come home. You know I can’t bring you with me, you are just too heavy, my little munchkin, but we can talk when I come back. You know, I really like your teeth, you have little dragon teeth. Can I have one? Just one. It will be a second. Yes, let me just. Right there. Now I can bring it in my pocket, see? It wasn’t that bad at all. Like soft sweet milk candy. And whenever I start to feel like I want to go home, I will put my hand in the pocket of my shirt and I’ll know you’re here with me, and that we are together, where we belong. Nowhere else.

Today they told me they don’t want me anymore at the library because I said something rude to a fat woman. What no one knows is that I was having a really bad day. Everything is changing so much outside, you know, people get offended so easily. Sometimes I don’t even know what’s my name anymore, where do I stand, with all those advertisements talking to me all the time. The weather is changing, the politics are changing, all the people that come and go. What’s happening. What will I do tomorrow, Aliona? If I don’t wake up at seven and have breakfast and get dressed and go to the library, and then later come back from the library. Then what am I supposed to do. Everything is changing so much, you don’t even know, you don’t even want to know the speed of those cars nowadays. They are fast. But when I come home and I open the closet and I take this jar, you are always here, with those little marble eyes. And you will always be. Forever.